Greetings repitilian gameboys and gamegirls, we at Berkeley Rep are in the midst of a time warp, and we're taking you with us in honor of tonight's world premiere of Troublemaker, The Freakin Kick-A Adventures of Bradley Boatright.
The year is ninghteen-mighty-four, the place is working-class Rhode Island, and the clothes -- wait just a gosh-darn minute, hold the cat phone, the intel has just dropped via solaroids of our last opening night, and let me tell you, those kicks with that hat ain't gonna do us any good unless you're goin' on the lam.
So gamers, scrap plans a-z on your opening-night duds, and dress as fly as our tween hero Bradley Kick-A Boatright himself with these fashion tips:
1. Whether you're weathering the weather in working-class or business-class Rhode Island, protect your noggin with a knit cap. Orange is a preferred color -- your sidekick can spot your noodle from a light-year away, even if he's got the vision of a mole rat.
2. Forget what your loser mom ever told you about horizontal stripes -- they don't make you look wide as a double-wide; no, my friends, they make you look like a kick-a superhero. And better yet, they come in almost any color to flatter the mugs of even the biggest a-holes.
3. Kick-A kicks are a given. Vans, Penguin, buy whatever your future hipster self would want to own in the year twothousandposerteen, and you'll be aces. Make sure they've got the support of your big sister's sports bra, cuz goin' on the lamb means dozens of high-speed chases, on foot.
4. The most critical portion of your opening-night ensemble's origin story is your wristwatch. Whether it be as old school as your granddad's Casio or hip like a Baby G, it will keep you on course of your mission plans a-z.
So gamers, my Swatch is alarming me that it's time to go -- solaroids to take, yuppy yachts to snatch -- but don't worry your pretty little heads, I'll be back in a flash with more intel on the bestest Kick-A clothing in all of Berkeley Rep.
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